Well, now all I guess I need is a morning with someone, and as Brandi found out this morning, I don’t do well with mornings on two hours of sleep. Especially since it was the second night in a row that I pulled that little stunt. Anywho. I had a great time with Sparky tonight as we ate at Arby’s with their wonderful tea, cruised Murray for my first official full tour of the town (finally!), and talked about old and new times. It was great fun, and while the guys were out doing their thing, well, me and Sparky did ours. And to make it official, this is the list of places we saw tonight so that people who live there can say something about it:
Michelle Drive
Cambridge 1 and 3 (I’m told 1==2)
Murray Place
226
JMann/Nori/Rick Compound
The house on the sidestreet where Devin and Allison lived.
All the frat/sorority houses
Where Sparky wants to move to.
I think that’s all of the places.
There’s so much here that I never thought ever existed.

I just got owned by two devious chicks, and one sinister guy that decided to get me at the Assassins game. You all are evil. To Shannon, her boyfriend Ryan, and Laura: I don’t like you. I’m taking my ball and going home.
*raspberry*

Yeah, what the perfect way to mirror the last post. A day with one of the people from the site two days ago, and now a night with another one. I have spent from about 1 Ma till about 10 minutes ago with Amber. We didn’t really do anything big and wonderous. We walked, talked about anything, and I mean ANYTHING, that you could think to talk about in the wee hours of the morning. We talked funny, we talked serious, we talked life, we talked to Booger…yeah, you get the idear. We sat at the Log, ate some cheese fries, sipped some water, and dug into what is called life. I haven’t had this much fun out with just one person in a while, a long damn while. I’m just glad that I made a new friend tonight, one that didn’t think I was weird after ten minutes of talking to her. Oh yeah, Mac, I got her, she may not confirm the kill, but I squirted her at 1:05. And now for some selected quotes for your reading enjoyment.
“She needs a woman”
“Daniel, you really have to isolate yourself for about a week, from everyone”
“So that’s Princess Dude”
“Bathroom break…yeah let’s go”
Pretty much anything Booger said.
“Amber, you are assassinated”
That’s it folks. night.

Yesterday (you’ve noticed a pattern by now, I’m *always* one day behind), Bofe just popped up on AIM, and proclaimed that he was bored.
[12:28 PM] Bofe: intresting post
[12:28 PM] Bofe: interesting
[12:28 PM] Deezil: the walking post?
[12:28 PM] Bofe: ye
[12:28 PM] Bofe: what’s on tap for you today
[12:29 PM] Deezil: writing some code, rewriting a paper, a good walk tonight, not much else
[12:29 PM] Bofe: hm
[12:29 PM] Deezil: why?
[12:29 PM] Bofe: just wonderin’. i’m bored.
[12:29 PM] Deezil: well, you wanna do something?
[12:30 PM] Deezil: I’m up for anything, just tell me where and when
[12:30 PM] Bofe: ye
[12:30 PM] Bofe: i am trying to think of something
[12:30 PM] Deezil: okay
[12:31 PM] Deezil: I’m gonna run and do something real quick
[12:31 PM] Bofe: k
[12:31 PM] Deezil: I’ll be back in about 15 minutes
[12:31 PM] Deezil: if you have any ideas, just leave them on here
[12:47 PM] Deezil: okay andy, im back
[12:47 PM] Deezil: have any ideas?
[12:51 PM] Deezil: Bofe? you there?
[12:51 PM] Bofe: ye
[12:51 PM] Deezil: okay
[12:51 PM] Deezil: thought of anything?
[12:51 PM] Bofe: no
[12:52 PM] Deezil: lol
[12:52 PM] Bofe: have you done lunch yet
[12:52 PM] Deezil: not yet, I just ran to FT to get drinks, but no lunch
[12:52 PM] Deezil: you wanna go somewhere?
[12:53 PM] Bofe: sure
[12:53 PM] Bofe: trying to think of where
[12:53 PM] Deezil: somewhere I haven’t been before: I have been to Nicks, Bees, Log, and Los
[12:53 PM] Bofe: haha
[12:53 PM] Bofe: those are really the only places worth going
[12:53 PM] Deezil: fair enough
[12:54 PM] Bofe: kinda wanna go to nick’s
[12:54 PM] Deezil: sure
[12:54 PM] Deezil: I can do that
[12:54 PM] Bofe: lemme think for abit
[12:54 PM] Deezil: ok
[12:54 PM] Bofe: actually i just need ot check basketball scores
[12:55 PM] Deezil: lol
[12:57 PM] Deezil: just tell me what you want to do
[12:57 PM] Bofe: i will have those dvds
[12:57 PM] Bofe: would you be able to get them and food?
[12:57 PM] Deezil: okay, I will have to hit the ATM so I can pay you, but yeah I can get it
[12:57 PM] Bofe: k
[12:57 PM] Bofe: we can hit the ATM
[12:57 PM] Bofe: what bank
[12:58 PM] Deezil: Usbank
[12:58 PM] Bofe: k
[12:58 PM] Deezil: when are you gonna start over here?
[12:58 PM] Bofe: dunno, will let you know
[12:58 PM] Deezil: okay that works
[01:09 PM] Bofe: you ready?
[01:09 PM] Bofe: and, do you have an ink pen?
[01:09 PM] Deezil: yeah, and yeah
[01:09 PM] Bofe: k, can you bring it?
[01:10 PM] Deezil: yeah
[01:10 PM] Deezil: do I need more than one?
[01:10 PM] Bofe: no
[01:10 PM] Deezil: ok, I have one, and I am ready to go
[01:10 PM] Bofe: k
[01:10 PM] Deezil: see you in 10 minutes?
[01:10 PM] Bofe: on my way
[01:10 PM] Bofe: 10 or less
[01:10 PM] Deezil: okay
Interesting conversation, I’m sure. Anywho, after that, he comes gets me, we go eat at Nick’s and then we went back to Teh Oaks to watch this movie. Requiem for a Dream. This movie had to be one of the most messed up, odd, but invariably cool movies I have ever seen. Just when THAT SCENE comes on, make sure you have a trash can near. I had heard so much about it that it really didn’t phase me, but it is pretty graphic. Funny, the conversation was longer than the post.
Oh well

How great it felt to get out there with all the peoples the night before last. After 10 minutes sitting on the stonework, waiting for the girls, my lunchbox ass, along with Jon, Chris, Nichole, and Amber, set off walking. Maybe. Something was said, people got pissed, stormed off, looked like we were gonna have a short group. They reconciled their differences, and we continued on. Asshattery ensued when “Dawn of the Dead” was replayed for me by Jon and Chris. “We’re walkin’, we’re walkin’, stay together!” We started walking by Faculty Hall, and Jon gets this bright idea to walk the 7 flights of stairs. Jon makes it up, no problem, Chris and I struggle, I passed him on the 5th floor. Nichole, and Chris stay at about the same pace on the two high floors. Amber was still down on the 3rd because she hurt her ankle. We all got to the top, and then there was only one place left to go…down. We bound down the steps, meet up with Amber at the bottom and go outside for a stretch break and to cool down. Except for Jon, he decides to hit the steps again. He got finished and we walked another 5 minutes before we disbanded for the night. I stayed and walked my second lap around the full block, talking to myself most of the way, killing time telling myself jokes, discussing important personal and worldy events with myself. And then I got quiet, and just took it all in. I realized in that second of just being there, alone with nature and my thoughts, that I was freed from every constraint the world had on me. I had no school, no fiancee, no problems, no cares, no nothing. All I knew was that I was free, and I wanted a Blizzard from Dairy Queen. I got the Blizzard and lived in my freedom for the rest of the round. My legs turned to jelly at the end of the trip, and I realized that I needed to do this enough so that they didn’t hurt at the end. But I loved every minute of it. It’s my “me” time. Hey, Queenie, I got my “me” time.
It’s all about me.

This plan is for me. I’m gonna really stick to this one. I’m giving myself alot longer to follow throught with this plan, so it oughta work better, right?
Part 1: My body
200 is my magic number. I maintain the old goal that never got reached. I want to be at 200 pounds. It will mean that I have lost 70 pounds from when I was my heaviest. And I am going to stay at 200 pounds, come whatever may. I’ve got to start eating right. Got to get back to the days of only water to drink, only eating at meals. I am only allowed something sweet at one meal and a snack. Snacks are very small and only between meals, nothing after supper. Must keep walking like I did tonight. I walked for an hour tonight, twice around the perimeter. At the end, my legs were weak, my mouth was parched, and I was ready to fall into the bed. But I had never felt better in my life. I was refreshed. Something I hadn’t felt since I walked with the old group three weeks ago. I am going to start going to bed by midnight every night. That way I am assured 7 hours of sleep. This part is going to be the easy part.
Part 2: My Mind
This is a major part of my life that I am already working handily on, and will just continue to do so. Going to see Jane has done wonders for my mental health. It just helps having an outside party to help you with things when they seem to be too much. That’s a whole other reason that I started a blog back up, to put my ideas/thoughts/rantings out there and get back what I could.
Part 3: My Relationship
It’s not enough that I have to fix myself. I have to fix Brandi, too. She’s overweight, just like I am, and I don’t want her to get to where I was, obese, miserable, and depressed. I don’t want her to go bulimic on me either, sje did that after we broke up once. I also want to fix all this tension between us. It just keeps building and there seems to be no pressure relief valve to fix what is going on.
Yet another plan starts. The start date: when I wake up tomorrow morning. The end date: New Years Eve 2004. The prize: If I get down to my target weight, and work steadily on the relationship with Brandi, I am going to Wal-Mart and buying $200 worth of DVD’s or an XBox. That’s the plan, that’s the prize, that’s the end of my night.
What have I gotten myself in to?

Coming up in three weeks will be a milestone in my life. Last year, this time, I started something that I am very proud to say was all mine. It was a self-improvement plan. I embarked on it, giving myself 53 46 days to see what I could do to change my life. It worked. Not to the full fruition of what I had expected, but me at day one of the plan, and me at day 46 were two totally different me’s. I loved doing that, sitting there, telling the world how I was going to change and then documenting my progress on all that change. That plan is in an old blog, one that I will keep from dying for as long as is humanly possible. I am rereading it right now, to prepare, to ready myself, for what is about to come.
Yeah, another one is starting. Tomorrow.

Maddox is probably one of the brightest thinkers out there. I really enjoy seeing the satire and humor that he uses to address the world’s problems as well as the ones he encounters in everyday life. He always has something that he can get pissed off at, or bash to bits, and this is entertaining and eye opening for someone who admittedly has very little to do with “politics”, “world issues” and things like that. It’s always a great way to take a break from my day to see what Maddox is up to. Anything is fair game on there. My recent favorite: The flatulence article. My recurring favorite: the hate mail. It’s where Maddox regularly bashes people to open their eyes to the world.

I am sorry for making myself look like an ass today in front of you. It must have hurt telling me what had happened, and then basically living that lie right in front of me, and everyone else for that month and nine days. Your secret is safe with me.

She’s never satisfied with how much I talk. I have nothing to talk about. We did all our talking last semester. We did quite a hefty price tag of talking last semester. I just don’t want to talk any more. She’s complaining about sitting there in silence and me not talking. Either she needs to start talking, or we just need to get off the phone. And then she goes, “You used to talk to me all the time, about anything.” Well, I’m changing, and maybe I don’t like to talk about stuff as much as I used to, or maybe I just don’t have anything I find interesting or important enough to talk about. Then, the conversation gets launched into “Well, are you gonna stay this way?” (referring to the non-talkativeness and the general height in aggression). I give the eqivalent of nodding my head to the idea on the phone, and add, “I am down here, I am living my own life, and I am changing, and I can’t really do anything about it.” The banter continues on, the next point always referring to how my family, her family, anyone close to me back home is thinking I am acting weird, and how some even think I am cheating on her. See previous answer for current answer. It’s just to the point where fighting about this is really wearing me thin. I am tired of the constant bickering about not talking and changing. I hate it when the little stuff launches us into this fight. Today it was because I asked her to wait for a minute while I talked to a very good friend of mine, who was in the perils of his own relationship crisis, and when I asked her to wait, she spoke about “Why do you always have to kiss his ass, when he does nothing for you?” There and then, I knew it was started, and I will spare you the details not already spared.
I go through this every time. Why me?

This is my home on in Internet. A home should be something that is functional, comfortable, and mine. It’s just not mine yet, and there’s not much I can do about it right now. The domain is mine, the name is mine, but I can’t claim the design. I guess I could say that I have built the home, finished the inside, but I suck at decorating it. I can’t do it just yet either. There is too much going on here at school, with my relationship, and with just life in general, to learn CSS and apply it. I am grasping at the concept, and I will soon have it, but not for a little bit. So that’s one of the things I have to do to make this more welcoming to me. I also have to find my writing nichè. I know this is a blog, but I don’t know the best way for me to write my life. There’s just so much I could do. I’ll figure it all out. I will manage. I just have to get out of the sickness that has just now bestowed itself on my innards. I have a feeling that most of my creativity is going down the toilet tonight.
Literally.

I believe I am just going to start writing and see where it takes me. Oh, and this is supposed to be the first post in the blog, considering I ever get it working. And where are my manners…oh, that’s right, I don’t have any. My name’s Deezil, welcome. Here, a lot will surface about who I am, what I go through, what I stand for, and what life all means. I guess that’s the point of any blog, but mine will be special, because it’s mine goddamnit, and that’s something that I can say that not most of the things in life are. I don’t have things. Sure, my laptop is a thing, and it’s mine, but it has its own mind, so it’s not mine to totally control. I have a fiancée too, she has her own mind, and is totally in control of it, and mine too I think some nights, so I don’t control that either. Really, in this life, not a lot is under your control, and there is not a hell of a lot you can do about it. But I manage, because that’s all we really do in life, manage with things until that final day, where we don’t have to manage any more. I guess it would be remiss in this first post to not give a shout to all the people that have made it possible for me to be here today, and the ones that inspired me to do all of this. First goes to Bofe. He is both my model and mentor through all of this. Like him, I will use the Movable Type interface, mostly because I have seen many blogs that decide to use this system. It will just be a long damn while until I get it the way I want it since I know absolutely NO CSS. I also have to thank Shadow for all the help hosting and helping me install this wretched system. Yeah, folks, 3 bucks a month for a gig of bandwith and 100 megs of drive space is not bad at all, and it helps that I know the guy outside of this seat at my desk. GoDaddy gets the best supporting website award for allowing me to get this URL. Yeah, I went cheap, this one cost me $5 a year, I just couldn’t spring the next 3 bucks for a .org address.
Enough already, that made my damn head hurt.