Archive for August, 2004

Things I need to say in anonimity, plus a few I don’t.

I have William Hung and Christopher Walken for teachers. I am not being racist or derrogatory, it’s just that their demeanor and voices remind of those two people. I love my job. I just hope that I can keep up the rigorous schedule. Thanks to Mary-K for the sleep on the futon last night after some much needed hanging out. People are idiots, I am tired of people who have stupid questions, not because I have to solve it, but because I have to take time out of doing something more important to fix their little fuck-up. I am no longer gonna bitch at the ResNet crew, because they are doing as good as they can. I have resolved that I can bitch that ResNet is down, not that I hate the crew for not fixing it, there is a difference. Jacob, if you are reading this I have an order that needs to be placed. The order will need to be delivered for the night of the 5th. I’ll get in touch with you for more details. Jones Naturals are still owning my face with my morning doughnuts, still favoring the Bananaberry over Bada Bing. I dislike my HUM211 class, because there is way too much to read. There is a “u” in the word manipulate, some of my teachers would do well to learn that fact. Sorry, accents are cool, but when they alter the English language to leave out letters, especially vowels, it’s time to steer it back towards good simple “Arizonian” English. I have figured out that in Arizona, the English language is at it’s purest and cleanest. I wish for things I cannot have, and then am not settled when something comes along my way that I can have. I shall never do another load of laundry at Regents again, I’ll just take my load to Mary-K’s and pay her alot less for the same amount of laundry. Spaghetti-O’s at 1 AM rock me. That is all.

Tuesday, August 31st, 2004 Uncategorized Comments Off

GMail, part deux.

All invites are gone for right now.
Edit: Deezil
Reason: fix # of invites
Last edited by deezil at 1:40PM 09/04/04, 2 time in total.

Monday, August 30th, 2004 Uncategorized Comments Off

Damnit.

Things for me have been interesting the past few days. Really, quite interesting indeed. The starting week of classes and work went extremely well. I have a feeling that this semester’s worth of classes and work will be just fine. Something just tells me that will be so. I have a feeling that I will work my ass off most days, and other days will be days where you can sit around and shoot the shit. Either way, I will earn the meager pay I am getting for my 10 hours a week. The thing that has vaulted me into a conundrum is a certain relationship I wish would work. I have pined many nights over her, and it is doing me less and less good every night. The situation is one where she doesn’t want a boyfriend right now, but I am still a great guy, and if she thought she could handle a relationship, she would be in one with me. It pains me to think about her, but for some reason, I can’t stop. She means alot to me, and to have her not return that feeling, it just plain hurts. Hopefully, she will wake up one of these mornings and things will have changed for her. Until then, I guess it’s still the single road for Deezil.

Sunday, August 29th, 2004 Uncategorized Comments Off

The current state of affairs

These last few days have been hectic, yet extremely fun. There is lots to tell, but I don’t think I have the time or the energy to do so. Look for a huge update this weekend, after I reformat my hard drive and reinstall Windows. Much love to all my people, and especially to one special person.
Later.

Thursday, August 26th, 2004 Uncategorized Comments Off

Murray

I am back in Murray, and even though I am going through a severe lack of sleep and exhaustion from working all day, I am good. I got in yesterday, unpacked, went to work, got home, went to Mary-K’s and stayed the night on the most awesome fucking futon that I ever built. Got back to Regents at 6:55AM, left again at 7:20 to go work. I worked the longest day ever, going from 7:30 until 5:15 pretty much non-stop. Got back here at 5:30, had supper at 6, and am now relaxing and trying to find something to do tonight. And set up my printer. And unload my last tub of stuff. I am tired.

Monday, August 23rd, 2004 Uncategorized Comments Off

Two more nights

I have two more nights of servitude to this place left in my life. I really can’t move back here for good again. It’s just too much for me to have to handle adjusting to this move back here, again, at any point in my life. Things have changed now, I am grown, rather than just thinking I was grown last year, and now that I am, it makes the world of difference. I don’t have an idea of what I am going to do to get away from here, I have a plan. Plans are concrete, ideas are just random thoughts that lead to ideas, someday. There are no somedays in this mind any more, things are planned. Just like Christmas, just like next summer, it’s all being laid in stone, and I’m doing it for me, so I can become independent, so I can be my own person.

Friday, August 20th, 2004 Uncategorized Comments Off

I am

To tell you the truth I donÂ’t know what I am anymore. I know the fact that I am a guy and a person will be hard coded facts for all of my life, but everything else has just seemingly tossed itself up in the air. Feelings arenÂ’t a problem. I feel many things daily, and right now the leader of all those is anxiety. I am anxious to get back down to Murray, and start the rest of my life. One away from my parents for the most part. I donÂ’t want to be here any more. ItÂ’s ruining my life to have to live by the constraints of the people in this house. I grow weary of their ever-constant lingering in back of me, and I grow depressed that they are going to attack me the next time I round a corner. So I must go, I must get out of here. I also know that I am lonely. The lack of relationships can become depressing at times, but even right now, itÂ’s not a girlfriend that I want (even though that would be nice), itÂ’s just a warm body to snuggle up with at the end of the night, to hold me and let me know I am safe, to just be with me, not caring about anything else. There are a few now, ones that would fill this position nicely, with or without being my girlfriend, but yet, I feel that I may be heading for loss. Again. ItÂ’s the story of my life. I wish I could figure out what I do wrong that turns them away from me so much. And if itÂ’s their problem, and not mine, I wish I could know that for the truth, rather than having so much self-doubt in my mind. I am having problems with my image, both physical and mental. I wish I could just take my body and mind, put them back into the Play-Doh tub, buy a new tub, and remold this putty into something better. Lately, I have felt the best about my body, not because something has changed in my mind, but itÂ’s by what others are saying to me, but for some reason, still, I canÂ’t grasp that I should be comfortable with myself. I am fat, I am ugly, I am wondering why these people donÂ’t see that, I am glad they look past it. I am satisfied with most of what I have in life, but in the same breath, I also wish I had things entirely different. I wish my story from the beginning wasnÂ’t one of some PWB growing up in the middle of nowhere, leading a sheltered life, until one day, he gets lucky, finds his niche in life early, and makes something of himself. This same boy got lucky again, got all his schooling paid for, and is living his dream, most of the dream long after he should have started. And now he wants to complete his dream. I tried doing that last year, around this time (see below entry), and that didnÂ’t work out at all. I keep grasping for what feels right, and it seems that failed attempts are all I can come up with. Maybe the next attempt will be fruitful. I hope. I know itÂ’s the same bullshit that you are used to hearing from this mouth, but itÂ’s still the truth, and I preach my gospel from my soapbox whenever I decide.

Monday, August 16th, 2004 Uncategorized Comments Off

One year ago…

…tonight, I asked Brandi to marry me. Wow, how things have changed. Now, no more Brandi, some prospects for dates, and a few failed attempts at relationships. My, how things change in a year. I can say that all these changes have been for the better. I am doing better for myself, feeling better about life, and have freedoms I didn’t by being tied to her. I also have many more friends, most she wouldn’t approve of, all because they took me away from her. And away from her is how it will forever be, but it was by her own hand, not theirs.

Saturday, August 14th, 2004 Uncategorized 1 Comment

MovableType 3 can lick me

I went to MovableType’s website just to see if they had moved version 3 of their publishing interface into full release ( I use version 2.661). They had, and I checked on downloading it, maybe moving this blog up to the new release, and I saw something which disgusted me. This new version restricts how many users and blogs you can run on the free version. Now I can understand charging something for using the system, but to go from one author and 3 blogs to just 5 authors and unlimited blogs costs 70 bucks. No thanks, I’ll just keep my $70 and keep on using this one as much as I want to, no restrictions (that I can see) at all. I can’t believe that they want to charge that much to add that little amount of functionality, when they gaveit to us for free until a month or two ago. Damn capitalist society.

Friday, August 13th, 2004 Uncategorized Comments Off

Many things

**EDIT: id vs. class in the HTML command div can make the difference between something from CSS working or not. END EDIT**
Lots to cover in this entry. The first thing is a dilemma I face with writing here, that being that I dislike writing an entry that has many things in it (like this one will be), but I also don’t like shoving 2 or 3 entries that I just wrote off the top of the screen when I have many things I want to talk about. I guess I will just figure that out in time. Next, I did something silly last night. I watched “The Wall” and decided to do what Pink did, and I bent down to take the one hair I have growing on my foot out of commission, and I took a chunk of flesh with it. The worst part, it was right over a major vein, so I lost a lot of blood. So much that the water in the shower turned quite pink. It’s about the size of a dime on the left center of the top of my foot. I vow never to do something that stupid again. Third thing, I recieved my laptop back today. That’s right, just 4 days after letting it go, I got it back. Gateway is very detailed about the repair steps, and from the time it was received in at the dock in Texas to the time it was shipped out from the same dock was a little under 12 hours. Got there at 8:xx in the morning on Friday, and went out at 7:xx PM. Wonderful service, if you ask me. Surprised the hell out of me when the DHL truck pulled up outside and got a box out that looked like the one I shipped out. *cliche warning* I muttered to myself “Didn’t see that coming.” and proceeded to receive of the box. Good times. Lastly, I have an idea to get into the media around Murray, details to come once I get it all ironed out. For now, I’ll say, it takes my strength in knowledge, and distributes it to the masses.

Monday, August 9th, 2004 Uncategorized 2 Comments

Check this out

My friend, John Gibson made this little film called Mneumonic Devices. Click here to see it. My review on it? This is one awesome freakin’ movie. Stop motion filming (taking pictures of a still scene and speeding them up to 8 pics per second) is a talent of John’s, this is his third work in the genre. The movie is about a robot that has gone berserk due to the wrong flip of a switch, and how he tries to kill all the humans he meets. Luckily, John and Josh, the stories two main characters, come in to save the day. Wanna know what happens? Watch It. The feature lasts about 20 minutes, so be prepared to be amazed by the artisitc talent, and even if you are on dial-up, it is well worth the wait. Happy viewing.

Sunday, August 8th, 2004 Uncategorized Comments Off

God must think I am special

I had a little chat with God last night, and something I said must have touched him, because here is a record of the convo. FYI: That’s not my real AIM screenname, go west and you shall find that. Anywho, it really meant something to me that one of the “big bloggers”, ones that have more exposure than myself and countless others, decided to put little ole’ me in the spotlight, even for a fleeting second.
Thanks God, for…everything. ;)

Thursday, August 5th, 2004 Uncategorized Comments Off

Deezil1 goes back to teh shop

For those who didn’t know, my laptop goes back to the shop whenever I send it, that whenever being tomorrow. Ass pirates at Gateway broke my case when they disassembled it, and I am returning it to them so they can replace it. This time it better come back in pristine fucking condition, or I want a new laptop. So, as sparse as updates have been coming, they are about to be coming even more sparsely, prolly until I land back in Murray. I’ll prolly only update a few times between now and the 22nd. Just get ready, folks. I return to my element in 18 days,

Wednesday, August 4th, 2004 Uncategorized 2 Comments

More of Me