The switch has been turned on. And damned if it didn’t break right after flipping it. There’s a point in my life that I feel I have reached. And it’s one where I can no longer hold back on anything that I want to say. Sure, it’s going to get me in some deep shit. It already has, really, seeing as how I just changed some things with one of my friends. I don’t care. It’s all about me right now. It’s never been all about me and what I want to do and who I want to kiss and who I want to cuddle in bed with and who I just want to be with and who I want as my friends and who I just never want to speak to again. I’ve never gotten to make those choices. I’ve always had them forced upon me, or had to take whatever opportunities that I’ve just managed to stumble across. It’s never been solely up to my discretion that I do anything in my life. I was made to feel that everything had to be consulted upon, I had to get advice from someone before I could do whatever. Like I was always needing to be told that I was doing the right thing. Well, no more. Starting today, I turn over a new leaf. It’s just not becoming to my welfare any more. I need sanity, I need stability, and I need closure. And this is going to be the start of it all. The start of many things to come.

They say I’ll do almost anything. Usually without shame. Most of the time, in less than appealing clothing. Well, tonight was no different than all of the other nights that I rise to the occasion to make a few people laugh, all at my expense. And I did it well tonight. I went to the White Trash Bash mixer with the Alpha Omicron Pi’s. And here’s what it looked like:

Yeah, I was white, I looked like trash, I was working on being trashed (note the can), and it sure was a bash. I had a blast.

I love Deezil.
-Laura
[Later edit by Deezil: This is Laura of www.maybe-not.net fame. This entry is hereby approved as the first amd possibly only guest entry on deezil.us]

The date was awesome. You know, you watch movies, seeing how perfectly some people click, and wonder when it will happen to you. After tonight, all I can tell you is that it will click someday. And when it does, you’ll know. I’m not saying that I want to marry this one or anything, but it feels right, and I like that.
We went to eat at Los (yeah, last minute change of plans, since I had eaten Asian Buffet last night), and then went bowling. It was wonderful. We laughed, we talked forever, we hugged, we smiled. *nod* It was a good night indeed.

…getting better, all the time. Plans change, and usually that’s not a good thing. In my case, it’s a wonderful thing. A.S. called me up tonight and asked to move things to Friday night so that she could go see her family on Saturday. Not only do I get a date one day sooner, she also cares alot about her family (we discussed it indepth somewhat). She makes me smile more and more all the time.

Well, the new design is no closer than what it was at 3 months ago. And that is a piece of paper I glance at in the back of my notebook from time to time. But, one thing that I did want to see come together has finally been done. I launched my picture gallery, powered by Coppermine. You can find it at http://www.deezil.us/gallery/. Go peruse through some of the greatest moments of my life there. It sure is an interesting read view.

For the first time, in a LONG GOD-DAMN TIME, Deezil has a date. This fucking RULES. Her name is (A. S.). She’s great.
We met at a party. Her best friend in the world is one of my fraternity brothers. So, we were standing around and got started talking to each other. And it’s apparent that maybe things should go a little farther than standing around at a party. So, I do what any guy would do… I wuss out. I don’t ask her for her number, I don’t tell her I’ll her around, it just kind of dwindles off into the night, and I think nothing much more of it. Well, for the next 4 days at Winslow, I see her. And it’s not just one of those things that happens in passing, we actually stop and talk to each other for 5 minutes. And then, it kinda fell into a thing where we didn’t see each other, and then, last night, I got her number, and pondered calling her, trying to be a romantic Valentine’s Day type person. But, again, I wussed out, and didn’t. So, I get up the nerve to call her tonight. And, things go wonderfully. So, I have a date. Saturday night, sometime, somewhere in Murray. It shall be a wonderful evening. Or at least I hope so.

I’m striking through the whole of that last entry. Why? Because, it’s not a “happy” Valentine’s Day. It’s really a very sucky one. I don’t have any one that I can truly say it to tonight. And that is a tragedy. I asked out one person, am still trying to get up the balls to ask the second, and prolly won’t get around to it until tomorrow night or later. It’s just bullshit that everyone else can get someone on this day but me. Sure, I know 95% of the readership of this blog is single, but in the grand scheme of things, this .00000000000000000001% of the world that we make up, the whole rest of it have thriving relationships to tend to on this night. Another thing about today is the sex. If you are in a relationship, tonight you are guaranteed almost 200% that you are going to have sex. If not, your chances lie at about the same percentage of the world that you make up, so damn close to 0 that it doesn’t even matter.
Bah Humbug. I’m going to be the Valentine’s Day scrooge from now on.

I’m probably not going out, but you probably are, so happy Valentine’s Day to you, and bring me back some interesting stories.

Fear not, for the deezil has not died, nor will die for the next two years. I waited and hoped that the .us domain name would go on sale again, and now, just a scant 15 days before I would lose the name back to the great internet gods, The price was cut, and I again have my home on the web for cheaper than market price. This rocks. Deezil will now live until 3/1/07.

This is my last entry, posted in it’s uncensored entirety, on MSURacers.com. I’m leaving there because I am tired of it’s incessant badgering of me. I can go other places, and it will suit me just fine.
:wavey: Goodbye MSUR. I know you won’t miss me. You can now say you’ve run off two people. The only thing is, this one won’t be back like Lee does every once in a while. So, you’ve won. I hope you feel proud of yourself. There are few of you that I don’t hate, and I hold those few in high regard. I’ll still keep talking to most of you, it just won’t be on here. Have a nice life, hope you are happy with yourselves. No more Welcome Wagons, no more Godzilla jokes, no more of Devin trying to bounce funny off of me, no more of having to read Mac’s bullshit. Just, no more. The ignore list goes from 7 to over 100. It’s simple. I won’t be coming back. I’ll go ahead and rescind my application for modship that I put in with Ripper. Calico Jack, even though the av is awesome, and I thank you immensly for it, one day of use was all it got. It’ll have uses other places, and you’ll have to get in contact with me sometime to get others reactions from it. For those that want to get in contact with me, talk to someone on here that knows any of my messengers, and they’ll be more than glad to hook you up, but I’ve removed all that info from public view.
A few things I want to say in closing:
Devin – when you’re lying on the ground, holding your back from the excruciating pain, I want you to think of how you’ve been an asshole to me and how it’s come back around 100 fold upon you.
To the rest of you: you’ve defined alot of the the first 18 months of my college career. You’ve now left a sour taste in my mouth. Hope you’re happy.
And with that (and even the stupid theatre majors can get this), exeunt, stage right.

Being a computer nerd, I sit behind this screen, masking myself to the online world. Everyone knows me by the way I type, the comebacks (or lack thereof) that I make when they attempt to insult me, and how I carry a conversation with text being the only means of speaking. If you were to see me out in the real world, you wouldn’t know me from Adam. But online, you know everything, probably right down to my personality and demeanor. The interesting thing is when you go from being online to being present in someone’s life, it all changes. This is called the OP (online people) -> RP (real life people) transition. It’s an odd one, one that I learned really quickly, but still feel awkward when having to do it. It all started when I went to my first MSURacers.com event. I had gotten to know and hate alot of the people that I found on there, but when I finally got to meet them physically, I just realized that most of them had huge e-cocks and wanted to strut around. Except for a couple, who brought their e-cock to the table with them. I met a person from on there right before Christmas break, and even though we had great conversations while talking on AIM, since we met in real life, she has almost nothing to say in either place any more. And now that I am on larger forums, where the membership is nation- or global- wide, and I’m working on meeting people IRL (in real life), it’s scary to think that this person that you’ve been talking to online for so much time is actually going to see you in the flesh. I know I’m scared about my impending trip to go see Laura D., because she’ll probably take one look at me and be all like “WTF is this loser’s deal?” . And from OffTopic, I plan on going to their next “meat” (their word for a meeting), just to converse with some of the nutjobs that I see on there. It’ll all be different, and it all challenges the way I am in dealing with other people. But, it’s a different and cool experience. And, I’m putting up the challenge, if you don’t know me except for on here, come and see me where I sit here in Murray, KY. You’ll definitely be interested by the results. of your OP -> RP transition.
Footnote 1: Ryan Perry != Real People

It’s coming. I see it on the event horizon. It’s that time of the year where everyone goes all lovey dovey again. And what do I get. The shaft. Instead of getting my shaft worked over. I’m not planning on anything this Valentine’s Day except getting drunk over the Internet with a few of my closest personal friends. And maybe a few brothers later that night. I’m tired of this holiday. It’s just meant so people that already feel good about themselves and the relationship they are in can feel even better. So what does that leave me, the relationship-less, down-on-his-spirits, college student? With nada. And really, I expected no more. But it would have been nice that for once in my 19 years of existence so far on this wretched planet that I would have had ONE good Valentine’s Day. The first 15 were spent with kids in class, passing out those small, folded, throw-em-away-tomorrow, cardboard Valentines, passing a little sentiment on to the receiver. The 16th was spent with my love of the time, the ever engrained in my memory, Brandi. We exchanged gifts, a little spit, and went on about our ways. Two days later, she broke up with me for the second time in our relationship career. The 17th was spent in the same solace as the first 15, pining over having no love, and wishing to give freely to the ones I thought I loved. The 18th, spent again with Brandi, mainly fighting for the whole day over where we were going, or what we were doing, no real resolution found, just a simple “Do whatever you want.” on the part of each other. I ended up heading to Lexington that day with her, and after she complained that I had bought her nothing to give to her on that day, I was forced to purchase some little token of my love, and in return, received a copy of “Romance for Dummies”, the pocket version. After feuding over this, and returning home, I called her, told her I loved her, and went to bed. And now, we have my 19th, this fond Valentine’s that I will be spending here in a week. To it, I say “Fuck Off”. I won’t be happy, there will be no love or joy for me, just another continuation of all the ones I have experienced before. And that, dear friends, is a tragedy.

It’s been a helluva long time since I updated. I guess that’s a good thing and a bad thing all together rolled into one. It’s good because that means that I’ve been very busy, doing lots of stuff with the job and with the fraternity and with classes. It’s bad because that means I’ve been neglecting my personal time. And that’s what the next hour and a half of my life (even though it is 1:45 in the morning) will be about. It’s been a hectic week. First off, it’s rush week, the week where we bring in the next class of potential members of Alpha Sigma Phi. It’s been an exciting venture, and I see what all is changed just by being on the other side of the coin, being the one bringing them in, not being the one brought in. It’s alot more work than I thought, but I think it will be worth every moment I can pour into it. But, as I was told by our current President, Josh Rhodes, “Make the fraternity a priority, just not the first priority”. He meant that we can and should be social outside it, and we always must have some sort of focus on our grades. And grades and classes are something that I am definitnely focusing on. I finally got everything straightened out with what classes I am going to take (I switched my schedule four times before everything was finalized), got the money here so that I could access the on-line classroom system (Damn scholarship, it could be a little more explicit about it’s instructions), and got excused from the two classes that have time conflicts (both have let me just skip class, as long as I turn in my work). The third, ever important, part of my life, the situation with women, is in turmoil as always. Just tonight, had my stray bullet call me up, telling me to call her back when I had free time tonight. I called back, and no answer. Left a VM, and still expecting a call back (even though it is now 2 AM), asking me to talk for a few minutes. I’ll oblige as always. The one I was going to surprise on Valentine’s Day, knocked me for a curve tonight, stating things were going good with her ex. I guess someone won’t be getting that surprise call after all. Still thinking of someone to do that too, actually. Maybe the stray bullet. Maybe. There’s still the couple of outliers. Going to ask the office chick to our mutual fraternal / sororital event that will be happening in the next few days. There’s the one girl who’s far away, but pining for me, instead of her current, local-to-her, boyfriend. Got a few others in mind, as always. Can’t have too many options. It’s just effin handy. Let’s see what else is going on. Just got through filing my taxes, and I’m getting a fuckload back. Like, enough to finish my fraternity dues for this semester and national dues. It’s fucking wonderful. That’s what I get for working 4 different jobs that all take out taxes a different way. I *heart* teh government. I think that’s enough of off-the-cuff, stream-of-consciousness rambling. Soon, I’ll finish (read: start and finish) typing in something from where I got flustered during TSM132. Bonne chance, mes amis. Have a wonderful night.