Deezil.us

Cleaning Like MAD

It’s time I decided to go have some fun.

And by that, yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus I’m not waiting around for you to get to the point where you feel like you can date me.

There, I can’t say it to your face, because you’ll cry. But I know you read this thing from time to time, and you’ll call me crying, asking what you did wrong.  Read the previous entry for more discussion on the matter.

It’s not there anymore.

But you aren’t the only one feeling the effects of Spring Cleaning.

There are others, and oh how they are getting swept out of my life.

There’s a few brothers in the mix, a certain alumnus, one who has overstepped his bounds many times and pushed it to his limit for the final time during the previous evening.  He is dead to me, and it’s just my luck that he decided to stick around here for one more year to wait around for his girlfriend and get his MBA instead of pursuing his dreams of law school and such and sundry.  When he made that announcement, my heart sank.  When he pulled the stunt he did on the night of the 26th of April, I decided that the best course of action was for him to become dead to me.

All that extra energy came out tonight.  I got disgusted with the conditions I was living in, so I took it out on the room.  I cleaned this fucking thing from bow to stern.  Well, not so much cleaned as I picked a bunch of shit off of the floor and either threw it away or packed it away.  I’m slowly getting ready for the return of my parents to Murray.  They haven’t seen the city in over a year.  And I want them to.  I want them to meet my brothers.  I want them to see my new room.  There’s alot that I want them to see.  And I want to see them.  As much as I have despised them in the past, as much as I have put them down, as much as I tire of being around them when I go home, I want to see them now.

I’m still cleaning.  It’s nice.  To sweep away your past, look towards your future, and get out there and make shit happen.

Goodnight everyone.

And when it’s over…

That’s the time I fall in love again.

It finally feels like it’s over.

There’s nothing to talk about with her anymore. I think I am finally letting myself go from all of it. I mean, I look at her, and I still feel what I used to feel. The same stirrings I got when I first saw her at the birthday party over a year ago. But anymore, it’s just that little bit of attraction, and the rest fizzles out. There’s no mystery any more. No special things. No “us” feeling. Every time that we plan to do something, a situation comes up on her end, and it ends up getting cancelled. Or, more as of late, she just forgets, and I’m not going to call and remind her.

I could still love her. I do still love her. But it’s a love that I have for others, ones that I have told that I can love as friends and then no more.

“Us, tonight, I just can’t love you like that. I thought I could, but I can’t.”

Now, I hope that you know what I had to feel when you told me that. Now, I hope it stings just as badly.

I hope that you realize that it now will hurt you just as much as it did me. When you can live with your hurt like I had to with mine, let me know. Then, we can talk again.

To clear something up

El Presidente has been out of service for at least two weeks.

From the 4/7 issue which states he was out of range for comment on at least the whole press week of 4/7 (3/30 – 4/6).

And how him being absent stalled the search for the Basketball Coach.

Also, to discount what an article said about him returning on the 10th. Had he been there to recieve press on the 10th, or any time during that week, we would not have had the follow up editorial on him being missing.

There ya go folks.

Overturn

Being in an unsure situation scares the shit out of me.

All things considered, I’m in the 11th hour, and the shaith is starting to flow.

It’s not a time, in my place of work, that is very conducive to wanting to stick around. Everyone is taking off, left and right, and in my humble opinion, the College of Business may just very well come apart at the seams.

Let’s run it down for those not in the know:

The Dean

The assistant Dean (if things go like I think)

At least 2 department chairs of the 6 (something a third one said to me today really shocked me)

Several professors going in and out of states of retirement

Business advising coordinator

anywhere between 5 and 7 secretaries leaving or have already left, not counting the one that left, hated her new job and came back in two weeks later.

Yeah, so alot of people, and a very short time (3 months) to get things turned back around and get back into the school year.

Also, the University President split town on us at the end of last semester, and his daddy, the former President and now interim/acting President, is gone missing, per a report filed by our lovely student newspaper today. Click here for more details.

Remember, this (other than the President) is all just in one academic college. No telling what the other 6 are doing right now, but I bet it’s just as un-pretty as the situation I face right now.

Now, why do I feel this way about a place I love, albeit mediocrely? It’s because the balance around here is tricky. It’s really a cube turned on a vertice. To make it balance is not the trick, because if the weight is all the same, it can be accomplished. It’s just the fact that when you start pulling pieces out of various places in that cube, and forget that you have to keep the structure stable, it starts to rock, lean, and show its instability. Instability is not a good thing, especially for an institution of this size, because for all we know, we’ll land on an edge of that cube soon, and it’ll be the edge that contains our faces. My love for the CBPA and Murray State may just be mediocre right now, but I still have love for it all the same. I want to see it prosper, and I’m willing to help in whatever aspect I can to make sure that even though we rest on the point, the whole tower doesn’t topple over.

I know why Morons play with trains.

Life, as always, is a system of days, one following another, in some sort of pattern. This pattern could be one that repeats itself daily, weekly, maybe even on just certain days of the week, such as school. But, life keeps coming at you in patterns. The trick is to finding the pattern that life is throwing at you, and then beating it to the punch. While the idea may seem like an easy one, the trick to that actually happening is something that is quite hard to find.

It’s because they go around in a circle, and are destined to pass by them again. Yet another pattern.

Why do I feel like I have been ninja bitched?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ladder_Theory

Excuse me, while I whip this out.

I need someone to start a study.  I’ll pay for all the research, a good salary for you and yours, and a bonus if the study’s results come out the way I am predicting.

I need someone to do a study on a group of women, when one of them develops an attraction with a male.  All female subjects need to know the male, but not each other.  I want to see if after the attraction is established, if there are any emotional or mental cues that cause the other women to try to latch on this guy, as well as is there any difference in the brain’s functioning towards this guy.

I propose that any and all women in the world that have or had an attraction with you will rekindle it when they sense that another woman is closing in for the latch on and kill.

Ever since things happened where a certain person has finally admitted her feelings to herself and me, I’ve been contacted by two other people.  Ones that have both made my life throw into turmoil.  Things I don’t need.

I’m waiting arms wide open for your proposals.