Ah, the holidays.  Friends.  Family.  Singing.  Presents.  It’s all a good, happy time.

Yeah, right.

For some reason, whenever this time of the year comes around, my family decides to attack my weight.  Usually, it’s not too bad, but after my progress in losing weight this summer (which I still don’t know how I did seeing as I drank all the time), and then the fact that I gained every last pound back plus some over the semester, the family decided to attack me en masse today as food and festivities were going on.  It always starts with my grandfather.  Always.  He asks one question.  And it’s enough to set off the alarms, because everyone hears.  So I respond with a 3 digit number that always seems to be 100 more pounds than he weighs, no matter what I say, and the attacks start.  He hangs his head in shame.  Tells me where it looks like I’ve gained a couple of pounds since he last saw me.  And then Dad pipes up.  And Memaw.  If I didn’t love these people as much as I do, especially Grandpa, I’d tell them all to go fuck themselves and leave.  But something else stung me even more.  It was after I was opening my presents this morning.  Mom got me two new pair of jeans.  They didn’t fit.  And I asked Mom if we could exchange them.  She said yes, but Dad said something to the effect of ‘No, just lose weight until they fit again’.  As you can tell by the tone of my entry, that really set well.  Oh yeah, sarcasm on the internet goes in italics.  As you can tell by the tone of my entry, that really set well.

I’m sorry I’m not skinny.  I’m sorry I’m fat.  I’m sorry that I haven’t taken the time to take care of my weight.  I’m sorry to dissapoint you.  I’ll never be under 200, and I’ve dealt with that fact.  But I know I need to lose weight.  Quite a bit.  And all I can tell you is that when I find time, I’ll definitely do it.  But with the schedule I’m having, and the fact that I go through 10 and 12 and 14 hour days, it’s not always easy to find the time.  But I’m trying.  Like I tried over the summer.  Like I succeeded over the summer.  I will lose weight again.  Just don’t be such a fucking asshole about it.