Define: Mentor.

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Someone who watches over and guides you. A caretaking peer.

I’ve never had much use for someone that wanted to lord over me. I’m way too independent for any of that. But what I have managed to find are people that can mentor me, for the fact that they genuinely like helping people, the fact that our personalities can get along in a relationship like that, and
that they don’t try to be the boss, just someone there to show me the rights and the wrongs.

I’m thankful that I have found two of these people in my life outside of my family. And those two have been bosses. Those who have the power and authority to control everything I have to do in my work, and they give me all the freedoms I can enjoy, plus some.

It started early on with Mr Cheatham, as I progressed through high school. He never told me anything to do, but he let me pick the project I was working on at the time. His letting me explore the options I had in the computing world ultimately led to where I am today. I tried my hand at all manner of things, computer repair, network diagnostics, running an e-mail server, I basically had the pick of my resources from my school district, and had the permission to use them freely. While not everything turned out peaches, cream and roses, I gave everything the old college try, and that was all I had to do. A lack of motivation sure led to a spur of inspiration.

The next mentor, and by far the most influential to this point in life, was Andy. I can’t call him Dr. Batts anymore. I did on one of my last days under his “employ”, and it didn’t seem right. I had called him that for most of the three years I worked with him, and yet, at the end, he was Andy. Not the boss, the friend, the man who took me under his wing and made sure that I was going to do something with the life I had created. In the course of our three years, he had yelled at me, put me in my place, swore at me, swore because of me, been disappointed in me (I didn’t speak to him the rest of that day, for the shame of it all), and generally been irritated with things I had done. But the man loved me, just liked he loves his other children, and treated me like one of his own. No matter what he said to me, at the end of the day, it was a smile, a thank you from both sides to the other, and a promise to return.

How I wish to go back to all of that.

Now, on to the real world. No longer under having someone taking my hand and guiding me upward. Now, the occasional help when I get stuck. How life changes so.

I’ve been waitin’, I’ve been waitin’ on you… for far too long.

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Attention broads and bitches that I have (or tried to have a relationship*) with over the past 4 years.

I’m done.

As conditions of me being over you, I ask you kindly to never contact me again. I’ll extend you that same courtesy. Now, I understand that we’re human, and that makes us have weaknesses. We all have them, and that’s cool. I have them, you have them, it’s no big. Been having them for a long time now. Oh well. The second condition you are charged with is shutting me down when I get weak. Just because I’m weak doesn’t mean that you have to indulge me in one of your heart-wrenching fantasies. Again, the courtesy goes back to you. I’ll shut you down at 3AM when you call me drunk, scared that someone is outside, and you need someone to hold you, especially because your old call is now taken. I’ll shut you down at 11:55PM when you call needing someone to come stay in the apartment with you, in the bed with you, because your roommate isn’t there. And I will shut you down when you call me over the phone wanting to “play” now that you tell me you are getting married. And I will let you all down. I will make your hearts hurt. And I will shut you down. When you come to my apartment, act like you are trying to get back with me, then drop some bombshell on me. None of you are welcome any more.

The reason: I give and I give, you take and you take. I gave so much, that I realize I let a wonderful girl slip through the cracks. A couple of weeks ago, I saw that girl out, with her new husband. And while I congratulated them on their nuptuials, I couldn’t help but have a little Thinly Veiled Contempt for them. It was so hard to see them, and it just brought up pain. She asked me when she got done with her prior BF if I wanted to date her. And because of one of the girls in the above paragraph, I passed. How wrong I would be. I need to tell her.

(* there are few exceptions, one of them is ML.  There are others.)

Password Pukage

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I’ve had two separate passwords make two separate operations puke in the last 24 hours.  The first one was because some of the special characters in one password decided to be the same ones that told the unix perl interpreter at work to go do other things, so it minorly hosed my data conversion.  The second is a different password, and when trying to tell facebook to look through my AIM list and tell me who I don’t have as a friend, it keeps rejecting it, and the only reason I can figure is because of that password.

Security so good, it won’t even let you do what you want.

Conservatism comes to a bunch of rednecks.

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While watching SPEED Channel earlier today (I have an obsession with Pinks), the host of that show was in a commercial, and it was for PETA.  PETA, a bunch of uber-hippies that think any sort of livestock farming is bad, advertising on a channel populated by NASCAR fans, those who cook a whole cow on Sunday to have all their buddies over to watch the race.

Cue Alanis Morissette.

Define: New.

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To start.  To begin.  Of Recent Origin.

I’m tired of staring at a stagnant blog every time I open any browser at home.  Whether I’m on Bowser (ye olde laptop computer machine) or Luigi (the $50 special from John Dillon), or Mario (the beast of a box that just got more beastier), I see Deezil.us every time I open up Firefox (for you really bleeding edge folks, also look at SwiftFox).  Every couple of days I’ll post something on del.icio.us, so when their nightly cron job runs, I get an “update”.  One of those bullshit “hey this is what I found while riding my motorcycle on the intarweb tubes” post-lets.  And I’m sick of seeing links on my front page.  I’m also sick of seeing that sunrise, and really sick of seeing the white bleach my eyes for the 5 seconds that I’m on the page.  That is why I’ve opted for something.

Something new.

You Reader-ites, get off your feeds and onto my page.  Not only are you shocked that I made an update, but even more shocked (I’m sure) that I’ve changed the theme and all other related manner of things around here.

The Deezil Blog, 5.0.  Defined.